Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Publishing Your First Novel

Writers are a funny breed, and if you aren't one, you're probably wondering how one goes about creating a New York Times bestseller wannabe. Allow me educate and enlighten you on the process.




First, you have this phenomenal idea for your novel...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And you just KNOW that it's gonna be a bestseller!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
So you sit down at your laptop and start writing the first chapter...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and you're all business just trying to get it down on the page!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But then your kids keep interrupting while you're trying to write and you're like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
So you concentrate the best you can and try to block everything else out.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But the characters just aren't "gelling" the way you want them to...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...so you work hard on developing your characters into real people and pretty soon,
 they become your imaginary friends...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
and...
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
A few chapters later, the plot is moving along nicely and you're like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and before you know it, you've hit half your word count and you feel so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Then you experience an absolute streak of brilliance! You write a really deep,
 moving scene and you're so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
and so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and then you discover just how witty you truly are!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
So witty, in fact, that it actually makes you laugh out loud!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But then, all of a sudden you realize that the character you killed off in chapter six
is essential to the sequel and you feel like this...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
...and you start to do this...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You get so frustrated, you just feel like doing this!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You lose sleep all night tossing and turning about where the story is going...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and the next morning you just want to do this...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...but you still have to get up, go to your day job, and sit in all those boring meetings!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You have a really difficult time trying to stay awake...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
...so then you overdose on caffeine and your nerves are shattered like this!
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
By the time you get home from work at the end of the day, all you want to do is write,
but you just feel so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and there's an email in your inbox from your critique partner and you discover that she has
completely butchered your manuscript.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
After you've read her brutal suggestions, you're like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
She tells you that there are too many irritating clich├ęs in your story...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
And you feel like this...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
And when you're telling her this...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
...you actually feel like doing this.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But you don't. You wipe away your tears and make the suggested edits...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Then you go out for a drive to clear your head and to get the creative juices flowing...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
...and it suddenly hits you that you need some major conflict to stir things up a bit.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You realize that it wouldn't hurt to crank up the romantic action a notch or two, either!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Pretty soon, you've chopped and hacked away at your manuscript but it's so much better now
and you're feeling good again!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But in the meantime, you discover that your awesome title was already used
 for a bestseller five years ago!
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
And you just feel like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and it was such a great title, too!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
So you start to brainstorm once again to come up with the perfect title...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
...and after a while, you think of a new one that's even better!!
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
But then you learn that you have to start querying agents and you're like...
 
 
 
 "What's a query?"
 

 
 
 
And after sending out at least 50 queries with negative or no responses, you start to feel like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Another month or two goes by and you're all...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
In the meantime, you enjoy a drink or two...
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
Finally -- when you least expect it, an agent asks to read 
your full manuscript and you're feeling absolutely...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
...and you do the happy dance...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
But then you go back to being on pins and needles again
while waiting to hear back from the agent...
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
...and you slowly feel yourself going crazy.
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
Just when you think you'll never hear from her again, the agent contacts you
to say that "she will pass" on representing you and you just feel like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And you throw yourself a little pity party...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
And after months of more querying, more agonizing, and hearing from dozens of agents "I'm not the right agent for this project..."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
...you finally pull yourself together again.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
You decide not to give up so easily...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You finally decide to self-publish!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
So right before your book releases, you feel so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But then, suddenly your book is on Amazon and you're like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
and...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
...and you're friends look at you like...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Then someone gives your book a five-star review on Amazon and you're feelin' pretty...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But then its reviewed in the local newspaper and you just want to...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...and then someone else gives your book two stars on Amazon and you just feel like...
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
And...
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
But then, you get to have a book launch party and everything is a little..
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
...and suddenly you feel so...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
Soon you have your first author interview and you try to act casual...
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
And you find yourself doing things you'd never thought you'd ever have to do...
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
Your book is finally out there in the world and people are reading it and you feel so...
 
 
 






 
 
 
and so...
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
And you can finally call yourself a published author!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
And you know you did good!!
 
 
 
 
 


Can you relate? Please comment here below!
 

13 comments:

  1. This is awesome!! I was laughing through the entire post. I have not attempted to query an agent, so I can only imagine how much more stress gets added to the writing process.

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    1. Hey S.T. - thanks for stopping by! Believe me, this will be even funnier to you once you start querying :0) Glad it gave you a laugh today!

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  2. This is so perfect. If my next step is the "drink or two" then I'm glad it's Friday. I can check that off my list tonight and move on.

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    1. Patchi - if this post has made you realize that you're not alone, then it has served its purpose. Thanks for your comments and "bottom's up!"

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  3. AWESOME! So creative & fun! I'm glad you didn't give up!!!!

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  4. I can definitely relate to parts of this. I am not at the point if publishing it myself yet, but the rest absolutely!

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    Replies
    1. @smnystoriak - hope it works out for you -- good luck!

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  5. This is great! And SO true. I was laughing and crying all over again :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad to hear it gave you a laugh today! Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Lol this is so funny, my blog seems so boring now. I can totally relate to most except I'm still in the sobbing while querying stage. I really want to know where everyone gets these cool clips from?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Amber! So sorry to hear that you're in the sobbing while querying stage -- that is not a nice place to be. The most important thing to remember is to remain determined and persistent while you are perfecting your craft. I wish you lots of success in landing your dream agent. Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. This is my life.

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